Early Retirement

So, without all of the drama that got me to this point, some of it documented here, obviously, I am disabled. The majority of the issues are physical and related to poor dietary choices, smoking, and of course, obesity. This makes me like the majority of the aging population of Capitalist America that denied these same people adequate access to medical care while corporations slowly made the food we consume increasingly less natural and thereby unhealthy. I didn’t realize before I began this process how many actions and behaviors of mine would come back to haunt me. Sure, I knew by the time I began smoking that it was harmful when my father died from complications of lung cancer less than six months after I made the conscious decision to start smoking. Nor am I referring to my obesity and sugar consumption because, again at an early age, I lost relatives from diseases related to morbid obesity. Instead, I am referring to economic and career decisions that I made, often under duress that ultimately will impact my social security benefit award. Californian’s were persuaded by the Gig Companys like Uber and Lift to classify not be held to the existing laws the state legislature enacted differentiating contractors from employees to pass a voter referendum also known as passing a ballot measure to allow this to happen. Instead of having to pay all of the associated taxes and regulatory fees, benefits, and minimum wage requirements do not apply when the employee is paid for their work.

This means the employee is supposed to run their job like a legitimate business where they keep track of ALL expenses and pay those very same regulatory fees. Many people are currently working as contractors who aren’t doing these things. Many of them do not realize that if they were to suddenly find themselves where I was this morning when I woke up, disabled and without an income. During the hearing, they would be asked about gaps in their social security payments or in some extreme cases why they haven’t ever made any. I worked contact Gig work for On-Force and Work Market which were the IT World’s equivalent of Uber and Lyft for the Maytag Repairmen. Thankfully, I could articulate and explain that this was my income source for the period leading up to when I became disabled. Thankfully, my records showed substantial payments before the Obama years.

I started the application process for Social Security on March 31, 2020. I had been in the hospital the previous month with cellulitis where the doctors had been talking about removing the next to smallest tarsal on the left. I left the hospital with a laundry list of serious health afflictions and specialists to keep me alive. Unfortunately, in September 2021, my housing became unstable again and in January 2022, I found myself at the shelter in Roseville. I had passed on an opportunity for a hearing by Zoom meeting because I wanted it to be in person. Being a diabetic with congestive heart failure and that laundry list is difficult under the best of circumstances and deadly under less ideal situations. So, I made diabetes and hypertension my two biggest priorities in everything I did last year. It was my NYE resolution for 2022 and to that end, I dropped from 380lbs to 315lbs. I quit smoking cigarettes on April 20, 2022, and I haven’t had the urge in more than six months. These two feats, considering my living environment and peer group should have made this otherwise daunting set of goals next to impossible. The food at the shelter, when not prepared specifically for the shelter, is the garbage left over from other people’s events and local businesses. It’s as if the Capitalists took the Queen of France and decided to feed the homeless and poor more cake than salad or steak. The marijuana-induced conspiracy theory is that the Capitalists see it as an opportunity to not on write off their garbage but to also increase the prospective market for diabetic therapies. While others see it as a way of reducing the number of poor and unhoused people through “natural selection.” I do not think I will ever eat another Starbucks sandwich, box, or sweet treat in my life because I was forced to eat so many of those items out of necessity because that is what The Gathering Inn, the California Not-for-profit that runs both of the shelters located in Placer County. This is now quickly becoming true for Chick-fil-A even though it may be the best-reheated chicken meat I have ever tasted. Dear Jesus, I hope with all my soul it was a chicken, but having been homeless and camping near one, I have my doubts because I never saw cats or rats anywhere near them.

My buddy Sean gets dog food from the Roseville shelter at the beginning of each month and he is gracious enough to swoop me up on the way to get me out of my studio. On March 3rd, I moved into a tiny studio in Loomis which I acquired with my Emergency Housing Voucher and General Relief or Cash Aid covering my rent. Essentially, I give my new landlord 30% of the $92 that Placer County provides me each month. Once I provided the county with my lease, they increased this to $250 a month. There have been numerous hiccups since I moved in, and the county neglected to provide me with cash aid on the first. When I went to the county office, the receptionist wasn’t able to see or do anything about it. I90lbs⁰ essentially had to use their phone to call in to get help which truly makes this office as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Why didn’t the county issue the payment? Nobody knows but the disembodied voice on the phone assured me the funds were now miraculously available. Thankfully, I have a social worker who is in charge of assisting with my housing because I have a Voucher. She was able to be the liaison between me and the landlord before this could become an issue. All of my move-in-related expenses along with everything I needed to initially move in were paid for by the county. This past Friday, the landlord dropped a note stating that the deposit that I agreed to pay in the lease had not been paid along with a photocopy of the relevant section of the lease stating the amount where I had initialed. Thankfully, I have these social qorkers because they were able to quickly resolve the situation without any drama.

My Studio

Ever since I filed for SSI, the wait was for the hearing that occurred today in Sacramento at 11 AM to determine my eligibility. Two and a half months ago, I was assigned a new lawyer and she kept using the name of a doctor that I had not seen since 2020. She was also very upset by the report from the cardiologist because I had taken steps to stop my rapid downward spiral to the grave. Needless to say, this didn’t help reduce the level of stress and anxiety in my life. Ever since she gave me the date at the end of February there has been this nagging ticking in the back of my psyche, like the stopwatch on Sixty Minutes as I waited for this day to come. The fear of denial was so strong that it truly reduced the joy and satisfaction that I should have felt for finally finding a home again. Instead, I was full of dread and apprehension because I was truly afraid that should I be denied, I would eventually lose housing as well. This morning, my flight or fight response was so incredibly strong that it made just getting out of bed difficult. I ended up not falling asleep until well past my normal bedtime and waking up early only to fall asleep again. Since I don’t wear shoes around the house because they make the neuropathy in my feet more acute, my lawyer suggested that I not wear them to court. So, today, I went to court in shorts, a t-shirt, and barefoot to appeal the denial of my social security claim.

I have someone that I care about deeply, that is currently not talking to me, and she is undergoing the same process on the other side of the country, in Maryland, the state where I was born. The vocational expert stated she could perform the duty of a crayon maker or silverware wrapper. You know, like the bundle they give you at Danny’s that has a napkin wrapped around a knife, a fork, and a spoon? Her career could go from corporate accountant to this position and job function and therefore she did not qualify. Just stop for a second and let that sink in for a minute. Twenty years into the new digitally connected millennium there is a state-paid expert who suggested that putting the wrapper on a crayon or silverware was a viable career for someone whose medical issues precluded them from continuing work as an accountant. I won’t even begin to mention that there is only one manufacturer of crayons in the world and all others are cheap imitations because of Crayola. I was terrified by what possible recommendations the woman listening in over the phone could improvise to work around my disability. My lawyer warned me this would be part of the process and not to let it bother me.

The courtroom had all of the covid related upgrades including plexiglass barriers in front of the judge, courtroom reporter, my lawyer, and me. Networked microphones sat in front of each participant and I walked into the room sat down and used another chair to prop my feet up. I quietly and silently waited for the procedures to begin. I watched in apprehension as the judge seemed to watch my lawyer set up. I was sworn in, basically asked to swear that I would tell the truth. The case opened with my lawyer agreeing to the evidence that would be entered into this case. She then summarized my medical conditions and asked me questions to summarize my work history including those aforementioned gaps so that I could explain that I was working as a 1099 contractor. During the questioning, my daily activities came up, such as how frequently I went with my friend Shawn to the dog park and walked. Thankfully, I had discussed this particular issue with that aforementioned estranged friend and while I was prepared with an honest and truthful explanation I couldn’t help myself when the emotions of the reality of where I was in time and space, combined with all of the drama and trauma that I survived to get here, combined the admission that I was about to make caused a tidal wave of emotions. I started to cry as I explained the reality of my life and that it hurts to put on shoes, and the entire time is uncomfortable but I want and need the socializing from hanging out with my friend and his dog. I had just finished saying this and wiping away my tears when the judge interrupted and said he had heard enough. The ringing from tinnitus that is normally just an annoyance in the background that I tune out became a crescendo like an air raid or fire engines siren and air horn. I almost didn’t hear his next sentence as I stared at my lawyer in shock only to see she looked as shocked as I did. Then the words the judge said afterward made it to the narrator in my head “I find he meets the qualifications” followed by some number that refers to the actual disability law. Suddenly the full-blown anxiety-driven panic attack that I was about to dive into headfirst was averted as I took a deep breath and watched the entire scene like an out-of-body experience when you die. That’s how bad the fear and anxiety were building at that moment. There’s no dignity or pride at play at this moment, I am sitting in this courtroom barefoot and in shorts so that the vascular and circulation issues in my feet and lower legs were on display for the court to see.

Getting to this day has been incredibly difficult, far more difficult than it should be in the wealthiest country and society to ever exist on this planet. Especially considering the billions of dollars worth of lethal aid on top of the humanitarian aid we have sent to Ukraine. I have to thank the judge for not forcing me to continue to justify my existence and to beg for something that I should have been given immediately. Someone’s going to inevitably chime in and ask how the Feds will fund social security in the future to which I respond that maybe we divert some of the billions in corporate welfare given to start-ups like SpaceX and Tesla or the lethal/humanitarian aid and could easily be used to ensure that funding for future generations exists.So, when I woke up this morning, I was unemployed, without a source of income and I go to sleep tonight as a retired, disabled man. 🙃 Now, I can begin implementing my plan for world domination.

Two Posts

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Tani | Certified Rapid Resolution Therapy Specialist (@tani_morgan)

I originally got in to using social networks because I had a Samsung Galaxy Note and this model had an 8mp camera that was revolutionary. I was in to Facebook as was every Gen-X-er like me who wanted to laugh, mock and ridicule the people we went to high school with silently behind our monitors. Then Instagram happened and I embraced it only to have it be ruined by Facebook’s ownership. I have been playing with video ever since I got my Nikon Z-50 in 2020 because it shoots 4K. Just playing with trying to get the movie I see in my head and my imagination through trial and error using the most basic tools available to me. This is essentially what I did with pictures and Instagram and still do.

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A post shared by Loomis Town Idiot (@oldguystudent)

This video was made entirely on my smartphone using only the built-in editing tools. The video was shot in the time it took the coffee to brew and mix the first cup. The editing was done while I drank it and played with my smartphone. If I want to take it to the next level, I have to use better tools. This is why I decided to upgrade from the Chuwi tablet that I was using because I want to produce richer videos and more fulfilling content. I don’t often browse Instagram because so much of the content is inane and just repetitive. Every once in a while, a gem pops up like the one at the very top of this blog. Or the one below.

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A post shared by 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 & 𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐂𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡 (@mary.schrank)

But this isn’t really the type of movies or content that I want to create. I’m not really sure what kind of content I want to make in much the same way I haven’t been able to pin down what kind of blog articles I want to write, nor do I have the consistency to build up a large enough following to generate enough traffic to motivate me to write and post more blogs. Hopefully as things in my life stabilize, I will become more motivated to write more.

It’s Been Awhile….

Chuwi Hi10 Air Slate Tablet

Like most people, my life has been hectic and full of chaos since January of 2020 before Covid went from being a Chinese epidemic to the worldwide pandemic it became to the endemic scenario we are living with today.  I was gifted a Samsung Chromebook Plus, LTE, Verizon to replace my aging five year old Chuwi Hi10 Air, a windows 10 2-in-1 Tablet. While it was impressive for its specifications and build quality when it was new, the slightly better than entry level system specifications were beginning to show their age.  The Intel processer inside did not meet the minium speed requirements for the Windows 11 upgrade.  Another issue was the built in wireless adapter only operated on the 2.4 GHz frequenncy range.  When new, this device was equal to the Microsoft Surface and entries from other manufacturers in this format.

Chuwi Hi10 Air Keyboard

The Chuwi Hi10 Air is a slate tablet and there is an attachable keyboard and an active stylus pen available as accessories.  The stylus similar to the Apple Pencil, Surface Stylus and Samsung S-Pen.  The keyboard is like so many other 2-in-1 devices that have magnetic, removable keyboards. When I was gifted the tablet in 2018, it came without the keyboard. As a device for light web surfing, YouTube and essentially the functions of a Chromebook, this device functioned well without a keyboard. I really wanted to use this device for flashing and hacking android devices via USB and ADB.  This was an option at the time because I didn’t have the spare money to purchase the keyboard or the stylus. The first stimulus check changed all of this and in May of 2020 I was able to purchase a keyboard from Amazon. Unfortunatelt, the manufacturer of the stylus, Chuwi, had sold out of them.  I used this tablet as a daily driver for surfing the internet and watching  television and movies for almost two years and functioned as good or better than equivalent offerings from Nextbook, HP or Dell.  I first added 128gb, then a 256gb and finally a 512gb Micro SD card thanks to the built in slot.  This unit performed fine for most tasks that were not disk or memory intensive as the processor was more than enough for most purposes.  Unfortunately, Microsoft decided to set the minimum specifications for upgrading to Windows 11 to just above those for the processor in this device.  No Windows 10 upgrade means this device will eventually stop recieving updates from Microsoft.  I could have converted the device to Linux since Chuwi offers the files necessary to do just this, I decided to just upgrade to a new device and retain this one as a backup for when I absolutely need to do something that requires Windows.

Chuwi Hi10 Active Stylus

For most of the last decade, I have used either my smartphone or a Samsung Galaxy Camera or a cheap point-and-shoot digital camera primarily for the ability to zoom.  Now that I am using a Nikon Z-50 as my regular camera and it shoots amazing video, editing these videos is becoming something that I am interested in.  Unfortunately, the Chuwi Hi10 Air just doesn’t have the hardware under the hood to drive the commercially used or open source software to make this a viable task to do regularly on this device.  I had dreams of using it for editing photographs using the Stylus, unfortunately I was never able to get one.  There are numerous applications for editing photogographs and videos on Windows including the most widely used, Adobe products.  There is even available online and through the Microsoft Store and many of them will work flawlessly on devices just like this and the real problem came down to connectivity.  Microsoft, Dell and Samsung were all well aware of how difficult it was to get pictures and videos taken on an Android Smartphone or Tablet from that device on to a windows computer.  At one time Dell was developing it’s own applications to correct this issue.  Microsoft partnered with Samsung to make Samsung Smartphones seemlessly connect to Microsoft Windows 10 and share there camer roll.  If you didn’t have access to either of these options, you had to use a kludgy method of using the cloud as a way to transfer those files from device to device or connect them using USB cables.  Neither one is very efficient or easy to use and it becomes even more difficult because the Type C connector on this device doesn’t always react like a Type C port and definitely doesn’t support the purported speed of USB 3.1 or that port type.  So this tablet was mostly for web surfing and watching television, movies and YouTube.

Chuwi Hi10 Air

Due to this difficulty, I have done almost all of the photo and video editing for my social media accounts on the Android device I took the photographs on.  Now that I am shooting and editing more video, the limitations imposed by editing on the smaller screen are becoming more and more apparent.  So rather than trying to repurpose the Chuwi to again edit photographs and videos just is not a viable option.  So, I began looking at acquiring another windows device and then I acquired a very good condition Lenovo Chromebook unexpectedly in a trade for a joint and $5 in cash.

Shall We Play A Game?

I’m a vindictive individual when I go to war against someone or something, you have to be in order to overcome that which is trying to eradicate you, it’s survival time. See the Advocates for Mentally Ill Housing, a California Not-For-Profit Corporation has served me with a 30 day notice because the Service Coordinator allegedly saw a marijuana concentrate container sitting on top of my stuff, on the front porch, where I usually sit when I wasn’t present claiming it violates my lease provision against illegal drugs or abuse of prescription drugs or being under the influence of THC on the property, stating that I was warned previously about smoking marijuana on the property.  I have a valid Prop 215 and I switched to CBD flower and concentrate available from almost any local smoke shop.  I haven’t purchased anything in at least three months because I don’t have any income.

The reason for these actions are because I stand up and verbalize when things aren’t right, like the Landlord’s employees just knocking lightly on the door and then immediately walking in.  I told them it was unprofessional just to do that when we’ve never met you and even worse if you do it and I’m sitting there and have never met you, acting like I wasn’t even there or was a petulant child. Last month, I made this very blog private because I mentioned to the Sheriff and her Deputy that I had written about all the drama and bullshit going on the house in my blog and as a result, I was handed a “write-up” claiming I was violating the other housemates’ privacy. From the way it was written, everything that was said was used against me in some way because the information provided tells me exactly who it is. The management is used to dealing with people who have severe mental and emotional and physical health issues that often makes them compliant to this heinous abuse of power and exploitation of those they claim to be advocates for.  I knew at the time there was absolutely no way that I could be sued for defamation or breach of privacy unless said housemates admitted to the very behaviors I was describing and thereby owning their shit. This is, infact my formal declaration of war, I’m going to expose all the skeletons in all the various closets that I know about because there are many and they have serious ramifications based upon the funding they receive from the state and county governments along with the rents they collect.

AMIH has a contract with the state and and the county which is how they got in to this business after being simply advocates and this means there’s terms that must be fulfilled with metrics that must be met. I highly suspect that the churn of the staff at this house, combined with the problems I knew about coming in to this house before I even arrived here and the problems in this house since I have moved in clearly show that there hasn’t been any real support. That’s important because they weren’t awarded the contracts and given the million dollars they were given to start each house and they have more than 20 houses if there wasn’t more than being flop-house landlords and that’s clearly not what the county wanted. They have let the people living here go three months without transportation to and from a grocery store. I’m fairly certain that’s somewhere within the contract and it’s important that government officials and stakeholders of Placer County know what’s going on with and in these houses because there’s an insane amount of nothing being passed off at law firm standard rates to the government as support. Some of it might even border on being fraudulent if the people doing the support lack the proper training and experience to be performing the support. If you’re organizing and running meetings for people to discuss house politics, gossips and allegations of crimes, you had better have some serious higher education in a discipline directly related to this very type of therapy and support. Not some industry created certificate that can be obtained by attended a few Ted Talks and learning some vocabulary. 

This house sometimes feels like it’s ran like a 12 Step Program where AMIH thinks it is the higher power and they see themselves as the host of a reality show that’s a cross between real world and survivor. There’s this weird thing about privacy that they start the relationship with that is a bit creepy from the outset where you can know the name of the house and where it’s located but not the exact address. You’re also told you can’t see the house and property or meet the people in the house due to their privacy until the day you move in.  That day came and the ONLY thing the Landlord’s agent did was make sure the room was clean, there wasn’t any noticeable physical damage and that I signed a paper verifying that.  The Whole Person Care people helped me move from where I was and get to the food bank and then to the house. Then helped me move my stuff in the house and out my food in my “spots” in the Pantry and Freezer and left. 

Suddenly, I was sitting on a bed alone, in a new house with two keys and a thick packet of my lease agreement. Suddenly I felt like I woke up in an alternate reality for a second and I had to swallow the acid reflux even though I never get indigestion, I had it now because I needed to pee and needed a cigarette to ease the anxiety because I hate meeting cold meeting people like I hate people who think they can cold read people just like I hate those who can and use it for evil.  See, I’m aware of my own biases and my own observational failures that lead to the wrong conclusion because I know how easy it is to use perception and analysis of known data to reach a hypothesis but that doesn’t make it validated. I HATE being wrong, see, Little Finger got it wrong. I’ve been through this before and the only way I have survived has been to be the master of whispers by listening. I have intentionally tried to avoid conflict and literally do my own thing. I was usually the only nerd anywhere I went and I was definitely the only neurally diverse kid that wasn’t totally fucked up. But that didn’t protect me from being abused by bullies around me and they came from the staff as well as the other residents and outsiders. Think Jail. Think Real Life. Or any tv show where various “groups” intersect combine with the degrees of Bacon. Not the delicious, unkosher pork product that the world seems to adore, Kevin as in Footloose. I have agoraphobia that’s more a fear of meeting new people because many times it involved major life changes and rarely resulted in good ones. So, the urgency was tempered by the growing anxiety of self introduction, I hate doing this more than anyone could ever could and thanks to lasix the urgency increases exponentially very quickly after the initial urger arises. No, I’m not referencing the eye surgery, I really had to pee.

The first person that I met in the house and who I talked to the most the first day was the one who’s the drunk.  He’s frustrating because he’s Dennis The Menace who was part of like an adopted Brady Bunch family mixed with the Boomer partying in the 80’s that never ended.  There’s no malice in Scott, he’s his own worst enemy and his only problem is the thought process driven by the reality he’s Hunter S Thompson with alcohol as the method of suicide. He eats incredibly unhealthy and is almost always drinking a cocktail like Julian and I’m kind of like Bubbles and the dude that was kicked out was Ricky.  I frequently use objectionable expletives as you would know if you read my blog and to many Boomers, those words are bad words.  Alcohol makes people more aggressive and let’s the suppressed person out.  It’s what has caused the most conflict between myself and all of my housemates until I decided to just not let it fuck with me after the last time I had words with the drunk.

But the rest of the Boomers are the generation that created the entire concept of keeping up with the Joneses and took nimby level snitching on their neighbors to a new level. They literally invented social politics and the idea of feuds between next-door neighbors and mean girls in High School. Where do you think the Pink Ladies came from? This is what the first Sheriff and Deputy had to get under control when they started here and they did an incredibly good job of keeping those inane issues from boiling over in to outright conflict through appeasement and empathy. They did many good things and I attributed their failures to the organization and not them because of their follow through combined with their behaviors and actions. They deflected the crazy and inane and pedantic complaints while addressing the legitimate issues. This theory was validated multiple times and confirmed beyond a doubt when both the sheriff and deputy left at the height of the pandemic by finding new and seemingly better jobs.

From the way I was introduced to the Sheriff and then the Deputy, I realized they were truly genuine and sincere in everything they were doing but that they were new to the house and maybe the organization. That was confirmed by things the others said to them and me at the meeting, that the previous string of people had made the same promises and declarations and not followed through. As the interactiona increased, I realized they were genuinely trying to do what they said and be who they said they were. The person who replaced them was closer to the Nottingham than the dude in Mayberry and we clashed like Robinhood as she graduated, got a better job and moved on.  She’s the one in who told me I needed to find another place to live back in the beginning and I’m sure that reached the boomer in charge. She’s the one who made a big deal out of the marijuana and said the program doesn’t have to recognize my Prop 215 because they receive federal aid even though they are a not for profit corporation with an HQ in California being funded by California State and County funds while collecting Renta from California residents.

So, I’m gathering all the evidence and information because tomorrow I speak to someone from Legal Aid about my case and this will determine how I move forward but today I decided to take my autonomy back. See, AMIH can’t censor me and they can’t tell me that I can’t talk about the bullshit and drama going on inside of the Phoenix house even if I have identified their internal codewords because it’s not common knowledge, meaning it doesn’t make it easier to identify the rearranger or the GenX who fell down and broke her knee-cap because she was mixing painkillers and wine. See, I thought she was full blown boomer because most GenX my age aren’t nerds because NASA didn’t reach its stride, like much of America until the summer of love and that changed the world in more ways than many even contemplate because it’s why we have the internet and social networking and mainstream nerds.

Today we had a house meeting and it went exactly how I expected it to go because the women in the house have the maturity level of middle school girls and it manifests in their school girl clickish manner. The female sheriff and deputy decided to say that my stating that they were not our friends and they weren’t the advocates we thought they were was demeaning to them because I called them out for sliding the eviction notice under my door but never directly addressing the issue with me.  Explaining I wasn’t present when they found the stuff and they kept saying inane things like that’s where I stored my marijuana. The fact that you have two people who more than likely have no training in dealing with house political issues is bad enough but when they sit in positions where they cannot and aren’t observing the entire room, it means they aren’t aware of how trivial the politics here really is. They also aren’t aware of how little the tasks that they do perform are actually beneficial to the residents of the house outside of delivering toilet paper, paper towels and every other week, food bank deliveries.  There is no support, they don’t mediate disputes. They dictate the rules and then try to use them like prison guards or high school. Guidance counselors to kick people out.  I have been written up for raising my voice as if the advocates for the mentally ill believe that displaying any emotions or passion or just raising your voice when you’re being interrupted and talked over somehow makes you the aggressor and you the one at fault for the situation. They were offended because I said the organization and by extension they ran the program like a reality show and that they didn’t provide the very basic services that they were supposed to be providing.  That they were unprofessional be ause they didn’t meet the very benchmarks they agreed upon like when they would take us to run errands. They didn’t call and tell us, they just didn’t show up and then claimed they were busy and needed to reschedule. Let that sink in, because they haven’t come since she tomorrow is Friday.

Tomorrow morning, I speak to a lawyer at legal aid and he lets me know if I can fight this or not and if I can force AMIH to provide the services they promised the state and county that they would while also providing the advocacy and protection their name claims they should because nothing in this home shows any serious understanding of training in dealing with people who have mental and emotional health issues, especially the PTSD that comes from the violence you’re often subjected to throughout the path of being unhoused by both other people in the same situation and those tasked to and claiming to assist you. It’s like everyone is out to exploit you for their own gains and for their own reasons and nobody truly cares about who you are. They have always treated us like daycare residents and not adults and without the proper respect and decorum. They treat this house like they own it not like they are just the landlord meaning they park in the driveway, knock quietly and then walk-in. They are oblivious of what’s truly going on having to have it explained three times that one housemate moved out on 8/2 because Sunday was the first. The rearranger changed the schedule leaving the roommate that moved out off the schedule and adding the new roommate even though he’s never been on the schedule and giving another housemate “off” like she’s become the woman who runs the house. I tried to explain this to the sheriff and deputy but they were too busy making sure that I bowed to their authority and that raising my voice was somehow demeaning. I wasn’t yelling or screaming, I was talking loudly and animatedly which sets of passive aggressive snowflakes and yes I’m calling them snowflakes because they are.

See, even if I lose and have to move out, there’s more here that is going to haunt them because they have violated state landlord / tenet law and other things that leave them open to fines and penalties from the state, county and local governments that the overlords are oblivious to that are going to be incredibly embarrassing because I have warned them multiple times that these problems existed. One of them is two of my housemates went to Thunder Valley Casino this afternoon and neither one of them believes the pandemic is real or that they are in any danger. I’m vaccinated and nobody else of the 5 other boomers that live here, I’m the only one. All of them have preexisting conditions that catching it will kill them and I suspect that they know it and just don’t want to admit it. When they come back positive it will reinforce something I have been criticizing for more than a year.

This is the housing Ana Kasperian says is available for homeless people and these are the rules that they want us to live under or they will evict us. They went so far as the specify that being under the influence of illegal drugs or possessing illegal drugs on the premises is grounds for immediate eviction but state law must somehow play a role in this situation since AMI Housing is a California corporation. I am absolutely positive that this wasn’t what the county and state legislatures envisioned when they funded this program because there’s no way they wanted marijuana to be more of a reason to evict someone than alcohol or tobacco.

Frustrating Lack of Decorum

I really try not to let. Others obnoxious and toxic eccentric behaviors frustrate me when they don’t effect me directly while trying to be the best, most compassionate and kind person that I can be. It’s why I don’t drink, be safe it becomes a much more difficult task. The drunk Boomer housemate makes that damn near impossible. Last night he talked about buying pizza and then went off to his room to drink himself asleep. While. My straight laced Boomer housemate had a little too much wine and slipped, tripping over the grout in the almost perfectly smooth white granite tile. I did what every PLUR raver kid back in the early 90’s would do, I made sure she was ok and took care of her immediate needs and then once she was stable left the room. I haven’t seen her today and I was extra loud at 8am when noise restrictions are removed. Not in an asshole way, just singing along to the Grease 2 Lyrics.

The drunk, female boomer let on that she had googled the word Dab on a package of my medicinal marijuana concentrate that I purchased from a Prop215 medical and prop64 recreational delivery dispensary out of Roseville last week. She acted like this was some big secret or transgression when I haven’t ever denied my marijuana use or consumption and just grouped it in with my legal and over the counter, sold in every smoke shop, legal hemp flower. The hilarious part is when she basically said that this prevented me from saying anything about her wine consumption which is against the rules of the house without a hint of irony. My marijuana use has never caused me to trip, fall down or have other deviant, harmful or toxic behavior that’s caused by my consumption of THC. Since I have moved in the amount or rate of consumption really hasn’t changed, nor has my behavior. Munchies and cottonmouth have been managed in a way that takes in to account the fact I have hypertension, high cholesterol, obesity and diabetes just to name the most pressing underlying health conditions. All of my doctor’s know all of my substance and drug or pharmaceutical use which has only been marijuana and my medication. I have lost about 50 pounds and my lab work shows controlled diabetes and that everything is being managed properly. I mention this because Boomer Girl has been trying just as hard but has been having a lot of as yet undiagnosed health issues that fuel her normally reclusive nature. So this drinking was a bit more heinous than she was willing to admit.

The drunk on the other hand, has very limited boundaries and really just doesn’t care when he steps all over those personal boundaries and it makes it insanely difficult not to give in to the emotional anger and angst that it fuels when his abhorrent and deviant behaviors become mildly toxic like the pork chop and rice fiasco or the cup fiasco tonight. There are times when the myopathy in my feet or the pain in my back or shoulder get to be so bad that I can barely drag myself around the house to take care of my basic needs. I also have a war with that guy Murphy and his law is like gravity and always wins in a disagreement. So, I use cups with lids. Essentially adult. Sippy cups like Starbucks sells that change colors. I purchased a set of 5 for $25 and basically told everyone they could use them. I did this because the drunk spills beverages everywhere and this has caused him to stop doing that, so there’s a small victory. The issue is that first, there was a cup without a lid and then without a straw floating around. Then yesterday I noticed he had another cup without a straw and had been using it like that for several days. Then the missing lid returned. Nothing major, just a lack of concern for other people’s property in the most heinous way. It is just a cup to them and therefore the value is nullified for that reason which is just idiocy. This fuels rampant abusive and toxic behaviors that just grow more and . Ore toxic as the person cares less and less about the abhorrent behaviors like spitting mucus and other slimy protiens they hock up when smoking marijuana or tobacco along with the butts, ashes and splatters of beverages everywhere around the house and I wish I was joking.

Tonight he took my cup, that had ice and zero sugar kool-ade brand water drops in it. I fervently searched the house thinking that I had somehow sat it down somewhere other than where I thought I had left it like a stoner. I retraced my steps because it had ice and beverage in it. Sure there was another cup, but it was dirty from my morning protien shake and I didn’t want to wash it. After retracing my steps and searching everywhere, I see the cup with the missing stra sitting on the entertainment center and the drunk enters with my cup in his hand. When I point out what he had just done, his response was along the lines of I hope it doesn’t have anything in it that could kill me. Ha ha. Like no apology. Like nothing. When I headed outside to distance myself he reminds me he packed marijuana in my glass pipe like that somehow makes up for this behavior. Like his toxicity can be fixed by smoking me out while he continues to do the same abusive and toxic shit over and over and over.

Sure, I could be an asshole and act all upset and outraged but the reality is that he’s on a sinking ship and just doesn’t realize it. He set the side of yard in fire. He funded the housemate who’s alcohol abuse persisted for the entirety since the drunk moved in until he was kicked out. All while the drunk acted innocent and shocked at the abhorrent and toxic behavior he set in motion that placed everyone at serious risk. He takes people’s food. He leaves bodily fluids everywhere he goes. He makes messes that he doesn’t clean up. He’s slovenly and lately he has taken to walking around in his stretched out and baggy boxer briefs with his swollen gonads causing him to walk like a Cowboy who has ridden the pony express warning everyone the British were coming. He’s from the Boomer era where male sexual innuendo and misogynistic degradation of women are his go to jokes and humor. When I moved in it was attacking BLM and POC with frequent use of the N word. He acted totally surprised when I didn’t react kindly or quietly each and every time he used it. Two of my three housemates are overtly bigoted that way. One of them is “special” and she is also a grifter who uses that specialness and white Jesus combined with props to accentuate the obfuscation of reality that she’s not just impoverished but also financially destitute. She isn’t vaccinated and is now acting like she is claiming don’t ask and don’t tell for vaccines is freedom, but for being gay it’s put us in the highway to hell. Then she talks about a Black man in her children’s life and how he doesn’t have the right, because he’s Black and other reasons but make sure you know that his melanin level is a very important part of her irritation at the situation. That somehow that negates his rights in this situation. I just ignore her and treat her like a cousin that’s special.

This is what drives my marijuana use because these people are heinous. I’m in to my second week of Chantix and the last pack of cigarettes has lasted over three days. The Marijuana concentrate has lasted since like Saturday for a gram volume with daily usage. Think about that usage level for a minute and you can see how ludicrous the insanity that I live with daily can be. Thanks for reading while a I vent. It really makes it easier to deal with situations like this, because I can direct the negative energy to writing snarky shit like this.

Random act of kindness

Yesterday, I saw this video on twitter and it reminded me that One Man and his Mustang frequently likes my posts and I decided to see if he thinks this video is as amazingly cool as I do.

Matchbox Car Prank

So, in the video, the nerd matchbox car collector See’s a car parked outside of his window that is identical to a new matchbox car that he owns. So he sneaks outside and places the package under the windshield and goes back inside to watch. When the owner approaches, he sees the car and you see the pure happiness and joy along with the happy shock of finding the gift. I know it made the recipients day and that made the prankster’s day as evidenced by the video being posted and shared on social media. See, that’s how I feel whenever someone likes a blog post of mine. Especially when I’m dealing with the things I deal with regularly. His frequently liking my posts, is why when things get to be almost too much to bear, that I write posts. Because it just seems like someone else out there gets it. Thanks man. This one’s for you.

Smoke before Fire

In most cases you can smell and see the smoke before you see the flames of a fire. Over the last five years in Northern California, I have smelled smoke for days in end as forested areas in my region burned out of control. Yesterday, I didn’t feel well and took a nap that lasted all afternoon and woke at 10pm.  I couldn’t fall back asleep until 10am this morning and woke again at 1:55pm to a weird smell in my room and permeating the house. I went out back and could smell fire and wondered what was burning, but the back porch is significantly hotter in the afternoon than in the morning where the front is warmer than the back.  So I normally sit on the front porch, because it’s cooler and the smell seemed to ebb and flow with the wind. I was sitting on the front porch watching YouTube when a stranger came around the garage and explained they were my nextdoor neighborhood and that there was smoke and flames in the side yard. I got up and went to investigate.

There is an area about a foot and a half to two foot between the sidewalk and the house that was landscaped when the property was built and then just barked over after the solar was installed. As with many properties that are several years to a decade old, the landscaping has not aged well and there are lots of barren, bark covered areas around the property like this and when I arrived at that location, sure enough a 2×3 rectangle was black, smoldering and there were visible flames. 

Thankfully, the drunk had already dragged the hose over to that side of the house and left it there.  Seeing this, I turned it on as I exited the back door to make my way to the fire. I quickly extinguished the fire as my neighbor, who was supervising and assisting from their second floor vantage point helped me insure it was completely out. I then used my phone to call the government overlords and explained the situation to the emergency call number. The person who answered told me to inform all of my housemates and the issue would be addressed on Monday.  Ironically Tesla Solar is coming to repair the solar that’s not functioning properly so the representatives of the Corporate Overlords will be here to supervise and provide access to the repairmen.

Side Yard Fire

So, I told Scott what was going on and of course there was immediate denial that he had anything to do with the situation.  His first claim was where was the cigarette filter / butt and I had to explain to him reality.  Since he removed the cotton filter from the cigarette, that leaves cigarette paper and the heavier “cork” paper of the filter.

Like the cigarette butt pictured here on the stairwell leading from the landing to the house. Scott began yelling that I had set him up, that he had been sleeping for a few hours too. Except that the fire had been smoldering for hours and more than likely only burst in to flames as the direct sunlight started to bake that area as the sun rose past High Noon.  That’s when the sunlight hits that particular area as the House shades that section. Thankfully, I take lasix and had to urinate, which is why I got up.  The smell is ultimately why I didn’t just go back to sleep and thankfully I did, since my bedroom window sits on that side of the house and it’s the only room with a window on that wall. My window is “closed” but cracked enough that when the wind blows, it whistles slightly and that’s why the smell was so intense. I honestly thought that it was something the drunk was cooking.

Since the night the drunk ruined the meal that I cooked, I haven’t said a word to him. I told him about the fire because I was told to and yes, I placed the blame solely on him because I only went on the back porch to snag butts out of the ash tray to reroll them. Yes, I’m an addict and that’s just what addicts do sometimes. I told the physician’s assistant at Chapa-De Indian Health Services Thursday. We discussed quitting and using Chantix and he is the first doctor that has ever known as much as I do about the various treatment methods for smoking cessation.  We developed a plan, to begin taking Chantix sometime between now and the last week of June and to just quit when the medicine basically makes smoking redundant. Redundant?

Narcan is used in overdose cases both natural and synthetic opioid compounds. It works by blocking the receptors in the brain that the opiates effect and prevent the further intake of the substance or that’s how it was explained to me several years ago when an activist gave me a bottle because so many homeless people overdose so frequently. From the people I knew who were addicts, it works and if you take it and don’t need it, it won’t hurt you. But if you’re an addict, you won’t feel the effects you’re seeking when you consume the opiates. This is also sort of how SSRIs or Serotonin Re-uptake inhibitors like Prozac work too, or that’s how it was explained to me back in the 90’s when my girlfriends psychiatrist explained it to her. This is what Chantix does, it blocks the brains ability to absorb nicotine. Smoking doesn’t provide the reward that it doesn otherwise. You still go through withdrawal and smoking doesn’t do anything to help. This is why he suggested I start taking it, continue smoking as normal and eventually my brain will disconnect from the physical addiction.

Unfortunately, there’s the mental addiction that goes along with the actually act of smoking and that’s the hardest part to break because the triggers will forever be present in your life. Triggers are everywhere and most of the time, you will never realize or be aware of all of them. The first few months, the smell of it in the air and on people is a trigger but because of the disconnect and the return of your sense of smell and taste, make it almost an irritant. This is why I think so many smokers become so militant when they quit and they should. I realize that was the mistake from every time and especially the last time I quit where I lasted more than a year before I succumbed to the mental triggers. Smoking is a crutch in social situations that provides you something to do with your hands. People refer to it as the hand mouth connection but in reality it’s something to do with your hands while your mouth is talking when you’re nervous. Cigarettes and alcohol being the reason the greatest generation made so many boomers. The Red Cross sent American POWs in German Prison Camps cigarettes along with chocolate during WWII. The Marine Corps used to issue every graduate of Paris Island a Zippo lighter, which Zippo made with pride and specifically for them. It had a higher build quality and better materials because it was built to the specifications that the military set.

The drunk just tried to dump a bunch of irrelevant and unrelated shit on me like most addicts do when confronted with the abhorrent behaviors caused by their addiction and substance abuse. First it was that I clogged up and thus made the shower in the common bathroom dirty, it wasn’t me as I only use body wash and don’t shave in the shower. There’s nothing coming off of me to clog the drain. My hair is too short and I don’t shed as much since I hacked it off. Yesterday, I left my big ass bag of prescriptions on the kitchen counter and his second attempt at shaming me was something about going and taking pain pills or some shit. The only thing I take for pain is ibuprofen, 800mg and marijuana either smoked, vaped or eaten. See, I know this is 100% verifiable because of the frequency of lab work I have had done in the last three years. Not all of them were clean of other substances but never once did it come back with elevated levels or even traces of opiates. Even when prescribed opiates, I don’t fill the prescription and haven’t since my mother died in 2011. In the year since I have moved in to this house, I haven’t done anything including alcohol other than nicotine, caffeine, sugar and marijuana. Since April, I haven’t done caffeine or refined sugar outside if a few drops of MiO or the occasional cookie. I buy sugar free candy and really watch the ingredients in everything that I eat choosing natural peanut butter where the ingredients say: peanuts. His last attempt at shaming me 2as some bullshit a out taking a shower once a month which I addressed by referring to him as a drunk, alcoholic and mentally challenged. Anyway that’s the end of this blog. Happy Saturday.

Pain and Stress as Motivation

One of, if not the most annoying thing when dealing with any large commercial or government entity is the bureaucracy that evolves within those corporations and agencies where much of the uncodified rules and procedures are implemented by people for various reasons. Health Insurance, public education and the social safety net system are the three biggest culprits. If you’ve ever needed government assistance for healthcare, food, clothing, housing or education you will quickly find yourself overwhelmed and disenfranchised by the entire system both public and private. You quickly realize that it’s not because of or for the business that this occurs, it’s simply the way the system evolved.  It’s as if the system is designed so that the person is denied or forced to jump through hoops  in order to get the assistance being offered. The most obvious example is the stimulus checks, where $600 was stated by a “Liberal Democrat” as a substantial amount. Or the extended unemployment benefits providing an additional $300 in benefits being blamed for the lack of people willing to engage in work for substandard wages, the federal minimum wage hasn’t been raised in over a decade.

I am about a year in to the application process for disability and it’s a long, complicated process that requires lawyers to successfully navigate the process. Like almost everyone, I was initially denied and am in the appeal process. A couple of weeks ago, I had to renew the “medical release” so that the Social Security Department could continue to access my medical records.  At the same time, my primary doctor decided to leave the practice where he was employed and they stopped taking my insurance.  Which means I had to locate a new practice. When your insurance is Medi-Cal, the state health insurance program, that leaves two options: a company called Wellspace and Chapa De Indian Health Services if you’re in Placer County. The horror stories and tales of the process of using Wellspace permeate the people in the socioeconomic demographic I am in, especially the unhoused and disabled. I actually understand this now because the drunk uses Wellspace. I really was in a panic because the people I know who talk about Chapa De, all of them being non-native Americans, talk about it like others do Wellspace.  Since I have  an anthropology degree and understand the state of Native Nations, which was created under the Bureau of Indian Affairs, which used to be part of the Department of War which was the old name for the Department of Defense.  Let that sink in for a minute. I’ll pause here while you reflect.

The Indian Health Services was established to stop Native Americans who had been forced to walk the trail of tears from dying as a result of wasting sickness. As Native American tribes have been empowered through the creation of reservations and rancherias upon which casinos were built, the profit money has flowed in to their communities through programs like Chapa De. Thankfully, through their openness, honesty, acceptance and charity they opened programs like this to poor non-Native American people like me.  So for me it was a no trainer.  During the tedious and trying process of switching everything to them, I was in a position to need expedient service and rushed processes.  This is usually where things begin to break down and the aforementioned bureaucracy kicks in full gear. Not here. When I told them that my prescriptions were running out, they had a solution: zoom meeting. Apprehensive, I agreed and half an hour later, my prescriptions were sent to the local Safeway.  Yesterday was my first in person appointment with a Physicians Assistant and it was amazing. Maybe it was that I didn’t have any expectations and that they really do an incredible job. It was easier to talk and communicate with them about my issues and concerns. During the process, of course, colon cancer screening came up.  There are two choices, play with your poop and camera up the chocolate starfish. The first involves using a cotton swab to take samples from your stool and by that I mean feces, one Taco Tuesday you  drop a Deuce Bigalow in the porcelain pot. It’s this new test which seems to have a statistically high rate of false positives which ultimate means you’re getting the camera up the patootie, regardless. The doctor explained that the worst part was the gallon of human draino you need to consume to clean out the pipes.

This drink you take does what colonics and enemas claim the natural way, the right way, the medical way.  They also put you to sleep, so your unconscious as  the technician slides that camera up your patootie to have a look and see what’s going on in your personal 💩 poop 💩 factory.  They use a camera called an endoscope and while this is one use, there are legitimate non-medical uses and these devices are commercially available. That in and of itself isn’t unique.  The sheer volume of manufacturers, styles and types is.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08VJC1NMC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_9Q7VFNF3890QHQDSWVMD

No that’s not an Amazon Affiliate link, it’s just a link to an Amazon item, one of the dozen or so varieties of this device that they sell. If I had 1 million or more blog readers who clicked on affiliate links, it would be hilarious to see how many people bought this. I just am not sure I would want to know why they purchased it or how they were going to use it.  I just find the entire topic hilarious because this IS reality and part of getting older because I’m a guy, prostate exams are up there too.

So, I thought today was Saturday only to have my housemate unintentionally correct this concept. So, now that I am a Chappa De patient, I called to schedule a very much needed dental appointment. I had one scheduled last year at the end of March and Covid complicated it. Basically the practice messaged the week of the appointment that made me think it still happening. Texted me three days before and the day before to remind me. I showed up and nobody was there and I was stranded for over two hours trying to get connected with a Lyft driver who could find the location. So I have beend dealing with low to medium grade pain for the last few months. I mentioned this to the person on the phone and she was like “how about today?” I need three days for the tide service paid for by my insurance so scheduled it for Wednesday. So now that we have gotten to why I wrote this entire blog, was to explain how amazing Chapa De is, and that this is how socialized medicine should be throughout this country. This is why we need Medicare 4 All and why the Squad should have pushed Pelosi force the vote as Jimmy Dore wanted to back in January.

Morning Blues

So, when my stress level rises, my ability to find sleep, even when I am extremely tired becomes an act of futility that ultimately loses to my personal circadian rhythm. In the roughly ten months that I have been blessed with permanent “supportive” housing has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs fueled by the the Corporate Overlords, a non profit that the State has gifted money and housing in an effort to combat homelessness and also with some of the people in residence here. It’s understandable when you have a Big Brother like setup with the government overlords from the Department of Health and Human Services picking the contestants, are the advocates for each resident but the rules are made by the Corporation. I realize that I am often vague and I don’t specifically name names and finger people because both are huge advocates for privacy, often to the point that it has the potential for a heinous situation, but I digress.

Last night after all the drama and bullshit over the alcoholic roommate who appears through actions, inactions and historical precedent, to be trying to commit suicide slowly by ignoring his health issues, left messes right by the back door. I often have mobility issues and when they manifest, it takes every ounce of fortitude I have to walk up stairs to my room. I only use plastic cups with lids, so that when this occurs, I don’t spill beverages all over the house. The drunk, on the other hand is oblivious of the fact that he does this perpetually all over the house, especially on the hand rails and carpeted steps. Do you know how disconcerting it is to be struggling up the steps, using the various parts of the railing to assist your ascent, only to place your hand in a small random puddle of room temperature, which is cooler than your body liquids in places where there shouldn’t be liquid. Or worse, going outside on the front porch and seeing a small puddle on the steel railing marking the edge of the concrete porch, where there is a darker pattern in the dirt in front of said slab that’s obviously urine. Then there is the random bodily fluids left in the bathroom, or the buttocks prints on the Shower Chair that obviously belong to Scott because he’s the only one of us that actually uses it.

Kitchen / Patio Door Video

This morning, when I woke up, I came in from smoking a cigarette and it 2ss obvious the drunk encountered the dirty floor and did the absolute minimal clean up. There have been times when he has cut himself and left blood prints and dirty ass foot shaped prints on the floor. He’s barefoot most of the time, with the bottoms of his feet being black and nasty. Ever since I had problems with cellulitis and other issues revolving my feet associated with diabetes, I don’t walk around barefoot more than to go from my room to the bathroom at night or if I’m sitting outside on the front or back porch and decide to use the hose. It’s a perpetual battle to keep my feet from looking like his. This has been the complaints of other housemates as well since before I moved in along with the abhorrent behavior caused by the consumption of alcoholic beverages. The day I moved in, he bragged about how awesome the 4th if July the previous month was with blended alcoholic drinks while they watched the fireworks. For at least the first two months that I lived here, this was his talking point. I know that the three women in the house complained frequently to both the corporate and government overlords about both the Drunk and another housemate and their alcohol consumption and abhorrent behavior. The other houzemate is the one on psychotropic medication to control his mental health issues that would drink to a level where he was openly twitching from seizures as he stumbled around the house talking to himself, sometimes with knives in his hand and other times fell out in the middle of the white granite tile. One time causing a laceration from the severe blunt force trauma that there was a permanent, noticeable deformation on the back of his head. Between the two of them, going to the bathroom in the middle of a night required you to be awake and cognizant of your surroundings because people frequently sat down on toilet seats with feces or urine all over them. Or stepped in it because the person missed the toilet all together.

The Drunk’s partner in crime was also his errand boy, he gave the guy his Bank Card and pin so that the other housemate could go to the store and get “food.”. That was really codeword for getting booze with the Drunk funding those excursions for food and drink. The errand boy, like me didn’t have a reliable source of income and as a result, had food stamps in abundance which he often used instead if the drunks card to purchase food. He would then take the case to buy his own cigarettes and booze outside of what he was getting for the drunk. When the Drunk moved in, the lackey told him that he had been given the option to go to rehab or get evicted. He was evicted about two months ago and the Drunk told me that story as if it was totally the fault of the gut who got evicted. He of course, was oblivious to the fact that he enabled the drinking to increase in frequency and intensity through his funding of and sending this roommate to the store specifically with the task fo securing alcohol with food being a convenience and a way to obfuscate the actual reason.

December, iirc, the Police brought the errand boy home, obviously drunk and in handcuffs. It seems he had purchased a liter of vodka and drank about 1/5th on the way home. Got confused and tried to enter the neighbors home when they called the police. This is a sober living environment and even after hearing that the officer tried to hand the booze to me. When I refused to take it, he dumped it in the bushes out front which I was able to point out to both the corporate and government overlords. The errand boy had been arrested half a dozen times in the preceding four months we resided together and because of Covid it was often catch and release. There was a three day period where we thought he was just embarrassed or hiding in his room when in reality he was in the drunk tank. About two weeks after he was expelled from the house, he was “visiting” the drunk on the back porch under the auspices of collecting his mail and when I saw him. I went outside and greeted him and then returned to the house. A few minutes later, as I was coming out of the restroom, the now expelled roommate walked in like he still lived here and got a glass of water. When I confronted him about it, he walked outside quietly and acted like it was nothing. I had to ask him to leave because this wasn’t an acceptable situation. After he left, it became obvious that Jason had been here for a while and had gone to the store for the drunk and returned with cigarettes and alcohol. How do I know? The drunk was drunk again as evidenced by his behaviors. Of course this was pointed out to the overlords by multiple housemates.

I have a medical marijuana card and I am and always have been open and honest with my doctor’s about my recreational substance use and it’s never been an issue that has gotten me fired or caused me controversy in my life. When I was younger I did a lot of partying, but all of that really ended more than a decade ago. Then when I wound up in the hospital in August 2020, I stopped doing everything, including marijuana for more than a year. I only started again when I discussed it with all my doctor’s and the Cardiologist and the Pulmonologist both advised against smoking and recommended eating it. The government overlord recommended I renew the Prop 215 certification and I did as soon as I moved in here. The corporate Overlords said that didn’t matter and issued a written notice to cease this behavior immediately. So, I acquired hemp flower which was made legal and over the counter sales permitted in all 50 states based on the 2018 Farm Bill. At this point, there was NOTHING they could say because there is no easily discernable visual or smell difference between the two types of cannabis plants. The reason that I am mentioning this is because the housemate that rearranges things all the time, she would hide around the outside of the house and smoke marijuana. She even gave me some shake she had found up in the hills where she mined a few grams of gold with her boyfriend. In her quest to get other people written up, she intentionally tried to alert the maintenance man to the fact I had a marijuana grinder, albeit empty, sitting on the back porch table. She tried to be sly about it when she caught him entering the back yard and they came around to the porch. I heard his response but not what she said to him, but by his response it became obvious. He said “I don’t care about marijuana, it’s either legal recreationally or medicinally.”. I just filed it away and tried to figure out what was going on and because she’s not very smart, after he left she told me he had seen the grinder and asked her about it. Two days later she gave me a bag of shake with mud she found in the creek. She had tried to give it to the errand boy but he didn’t smoke marijuana and didn’t trust her. But more importantly he looked at it and saw what it was. We laughed. Then I got asked again about marijuana use by the corporate Overlords.

The Drunk smokes marijuana too and he’s not smart enough to use papers or a pipe and instead chooses to use an aluminum can. Right now he is walking around with a narrow can like from a Red Bull or a Starbucks single shot in his pocket that he has been smoking marijuana out of all morning. I’m only mentioning this because that’s who he is. The reason that I got so much backlash is because other housemates were finding these cans and they were complaining. This is the epitome of “drug use” behavior to most people. If you’re hiding in a secluded corner of the property or leaving behind cans like this it looks like drug abuse. Combined with the alcohol use, which he often does at the same time. He always talks about not being able to sleep, which is true because he has obvious sleep apnea which is exacerbated by his rentention of water. He blames this on salt, but I highly suspect it’s directly related to the level of alcohol consumption because at least one medication I have stipulates NO Alcohol. I have sleep apnea and I use a PAP device when I sleep. Prior to this, I could and often did nod off everywhere. Mine went undiagnosed for almost 10 years before I found a doctor who’s only recommendation was to lose weight to resolve the sleep apnea issues. See, Scott falls asleep all the time, but I highly suspect his isn’t solely sleep deprivation and sleep apnea, it’s also the liquor and marijuana smoking that exacerbate this issue. Because of his health issues and his water retention he cannot sleep lying down and reclining is the only way he can sleep for any period of time. Right now he is passed out in the back yard with the hose watering the grass in the same spot for the last 15 minutes.

The housemate who rearranges things went through this same behavior back in August when we moved in. She moved in about 4 days before me and she watered this way as well. He has repeated some stupid shit over and over about hard pan and the water not penetrating or some stupid shit. See, the back yard sprinklers don’t work, this is common because the ground settles and the systems stop functioning. Usually every 10 years or so, they have to be repaired. The ones in the front yard still function just like they did when installed. The back yard, not so much. So people try to water it manually but that requires you take an active role. You just can’t sit there and lay the hose in the grass in one area for 15 minutes and call it a day. Except these people do this. In California, during a drought where many reservoirs are extremely low. The corporate Overlords are no different than any other landlord when it comes to maintenance and in some ways they are much like slumlords in this regard, often putting off necessary repairs for months. When I moved in last August, the freezer in the kitchen, was broken and you could put a bottle of water in it and come back two days later and it would just be extremely cold. While milk left in the refrigerator section usually spoiled in two to three days after purchase. Every weekly house meeting this was mentioned and we were told it was being worked on and plans were in motion. Finally in December, the drunk and errand boy had a bender one night and jammed the ice tray in the out position which prevented the door from being closed. That’s when the corporate Overlords finally installed the new refrigerator which was identical to the old refrigerator, just more updated model. Minor and easily fixed maintenance are done almost immediately, but things that require an expenditure of money get put off until they absolutely have to fix them.

This is how they have treated drug and alcohol use and abuse in this house since it’s inception about 5 years ago and the housemate who has been here since day one has told me about what occurred before I moved in. I know she’s not lying because I had already heard about the crazy chick from others before I moved in. See, I encountered someone who had lived here and was basically evicted as well. He told me all of this long before I found out this opportunity would be presented to me. When I told him about this opportunity he told me that it would be a good opportunity for me and that I shouldn’t be worried. He was honest and told me everything, although like most addicts he left out the drugs were the reason for his drama. The irony was after I moved in I learned about his abhorrent behaviors which I had already experienced in interactions with him at another stop on my journey here. I understand that this is supposed to be a support program for people with mental health issues, especially substance abuse but at the same time, allowing this kind of toxic behavior and the behavior they allowed before I moved in cannot be allowed to fester for as long as they seem to be willing to allow it to happen. They used the Covid excuse when I mentioned this, but the stuff that went on with the drug abuse and random people she had coming in and out of the house had gone on for more than a year and a half before Covid began and then took them six more months after eviction restrictions began for them to finally do something. The errand boy had been causing conflict and drama with his drinking for more than a year before the drunk moved in. The Drunk has been doing this shit since the day he moved in and he’s the one financing it. The errand boy didn’t get the first stimulus check and when he got the second, it went to booze. The third went to booze and a smartphone as his eviction was set in stone at this point. It’s frustrating because of this kind of bullshit. I realize these people have mental health issues and I’m fully understanding of this but at the same time, things have been allowed to get too out of hand.

See, the errand boy began urinating all over the house, randomly when he passed out and other times he just whipped it out and let go. It still took them another month or two to finally evict him. I’m not seeking to have the drunk evicted, I just want him to stop drinking and subjecting me to his abhorrent and antisocial behaviors that manifest when he consumes alcohol. I shouldn’t have to avoid downstairs or the common areas of the house like I am a teenager trying to avoid the drunken ire of an alcoholic parent. Or an abusive spouse as one of my housemates lived through. She’s the one I talk about who doesn’t think Covid is real and that the vaccine causes sterility in women from protiens shedded by vaccinated people. My initial fear was that she was going to bring it home and that I would catch it and die. But I got my second shot of the vaccine last week and I’m quickly approaching the point where I should be protected from it. So my concern is significantly reduced because I’m the only vaccinated person in the house. All of us have preexisting conditions that would more than likely make even a mild case fatal. All but two of the 6 people smoke tobacco too which makes it that much more likely to be fatal. I don’t hate any of them, not do I dislike then to the point that I wouldn’t be extreme distressed if this happened. Every time the drunk disappears to the hospital, either by ambulance or taxi, I’m always concerned. That’s where my stress comes from.

See, this is all still like a fairy tale come true and things like overusing and wasting water like the drunk is doing kow and the female housemate who is obsessive-compulsive and has no impulse control have done for the last year is my concern because fines can bankrupt the corporate Overlords and or jeopardize this program which would cause me to lose this vital and most amazing thing I am blessed with. It’s an insanely large, modern house and it’s beautiful even if 8t was poorly constructed by the lowest bidding contractors out of the cheapest available supplies. Literally. The front porch columns are stucco. There were unapproved and therefore potentially illegal renovations performed by the previous owners that become incredibly obvious with the most rudimentary attention to details that don’t make the best use of the space creates by those renovations. Meaning it’s not perfect but currently, it is, my castle. My little homestead in the foothills of Gold Country.

Drunken Rudeness

So, one of my roommates is the typical spoiled boomer last child and is also a lush, meaning he is always drinking. Since I grew up with alcoholics in my family, I can usually see the telltale signs and that’s usually when I extricate myself from the social situation because if the bad memories and because when they focus thr toxic behavior towards me, I tend to not hold back. I went through like a two year binge period where I drank to excess and didn’t drive not did I own a car. So it was never a problem for me, my contemporaries and friends at the time, not so much. He’s a nice guy, albeit very socially awkward, when he’s sober. When he is slightly buzzed the eccentric behaviors become more acute and as his intoxication level increases so does his anger and toxicity. Usually that is directed at the housemate who obsessively, compulsively does things that cause turmoil and conflict like rearranging the house. He just goes off on her and vents all this rage and anger at her. Most of the time I just nod and don’t say anything because that’s a fine line to walk and I don’t want it to be directed at me.

This is the same roommate that has many of the same underlying prexisiting health conditions that I have but his are more advanced. This is the guy who has been in and out of the hospital like 5 times or more in a year ending in September. Each time, he spends anywhere from three weeks to a month and a half in the hospital getting everything back under control. Meanwhile, he never has any follow up visits, ever and has rarely seemed to acquire more medications. I know he had an appointment in May because I took the phone message for him. Then when the day came and went and I asked he said it was rescheduled. The last time I was released from the hospital I had a cardiologist appointment, podiatrist appointment, pulmonologist appointment, a sleep study, a wound specialist and a vascular surgeon all within 45 days of my release from the hospital. As a result he slowly balloons up in between hospital visits with his legs swelling as he retains water, then his stomach swells where it looks like he has a beer gut or is pregnant with it being mostly water. This is a side effect of his underlying conditions and ultimately his testicles begin to swell until his manhood resembles BB-88. How do I know this? He over shares and one night had to come in to the living room to pull his shorts up and I was forced by location to observe this. Last week, he disappeared for three days without telling anyone and after not seeing him for two days, several people knocked on the door. Then we called the corporate Overlords, who came and called paramedics, police and the fire department. They came and did a wellness check on an empty room while all of us dealt with the stress of this situation.

Tuesday, I took a package of pork chops that were brought by the corporate Overlords to supplement our own food resources and they have been in the refrigerator, thawed for more than three days. So I decided to bake then tonight, he was outside drunk and listening to music. So I put a pot of rice on and had simmered it to the point where you let it sit with the heat off I told it finishes cooking. The meat had about 20 minutes in the oven. I left vegetables I was going to steam on the counter to smoke a cigarette. I had previously told another housemate who was excited about my cooking food. So, when I returned from smoking the cigarette, I could hear them on the porch and him talking about my cooking and just ignored it.

When I opened the microwave to start the vegetables which are packaged to be cooked this way, there was a bowl with rice and half a pork chop, but it didn’t register. I pulled the others out of the oven and noticed one was missing. Then I noticed the rice was kind of messed up and I couldn’t figure out why. Then it dawned on me, as soon as I went outside, he had come in, tried to take a pork chop and rice before it was done and had to nuke it because the meat wasn’t cooked and neither 2as the rice. At the same time he returned the vegetables back to the freezer, which is what made everything click. It was at that minute it dawned on me his micro-aggression was a direct correlation to the level of alcohol he consumes. All of this behavior was directly attributable to his consumption of alcohol.

Needless to say when I asked him, there was some bullshit about salt and cooking the entire package and how I could eat them all he hoped that I choked to death. Suddenly, I don’t have an appetite and I don’t want to live here anymore and that’s just not a cool situation to be in. The worst past is that I am incredibly easy going and don’t usually have issues like this with people because I let their eccentricities slip right on by.