Realities of Being Poor In America

I am a poor American, I eek out an existence so far below the poverty level as to not appear in any counted demographic.  I am one of those who have up looking for work in their chosen career path because they saw their wages drop.  I did outsource contracting gigs where the take home worked out to about $20 an hour including travel time.  That didn’t include gasoline and travel expenses especially during the summer.  I am lucky because I live in the bluest purple state in the union modeled after the Federal Government with more active voter participation via the ballot process.  My state legislature setup it’s own exchange and handles those without insurance or a means to pay for it.

I have seen and experienced things in the Dignity Health run Mercy San Juan Medical center that only happen because of the economic status of the majority of their patients.  I have seen a lack of compassion, understanding and above all a desire to overcome all of the obstacles necessary to provide care.  We need to accept that people who are physically sick enough to seek out treatment via the nightmare that the ER need to be treated with kid gloves.

Mental health is as important to physical health as any other part of the treatment.  Patients may be in pain, they may be afraid and they are most assuredly put off by the entire process.  The notable presence of security officers adds to the tension and fuels the escalation of moderately tense situations.  Parents concerned about their kids or anyone who is concerned about someone will get upset if things are not explained properly or they feel like they are being ignored.

When a mother raises her voice asking why they are doing something, the proper response is to allay her fears and explain the protocols they are using.  This is the most important part of their job because they are the only ones who can do it, the patient and their family need to feel like the hospital ER staff are their advocates.  That the hospital ER staff listens to and addresses their needs and concerns.

My first ER visit, I arrived just before 10am and I raised my voice 8 hours later demanding a supervisor.  I didn’t use foul, abusive or threatening language or tones.  I used “Daddy’s” voice to ask for a supervisor.  The security guard quickly moved in to a combative position, leaning towards me telling me I need to lower my voice or he was taking me outside.  He missed the part where I explained in the time I had been sitting here, the inflammation and swelling had climbed up my calves to my thighs and they were really warm.  The pain had exceeded a ten on a scale of one to ten.  I was hungry.  I was thirsty.  I was feeling faint.  I had already almost passed out when they drew blood.

He threatened to roll me outside of the ER, from a place with security cameras to a place without them.  I had almost passed out, I felt on the verge of doing it again.  I shut up and told him he had no permission to touch me or the chair.   He walked away and I asked about the supervisor and he told me I couldn’t talk to one.  When I challenged his authority to make this decision, he said he had such authority.  So I got up and hobbled through the pain to the intake workers and asked them for one.  I just looked at the security guard and smiled.

When the supervisor came, I explained how long I had been there without food and water.  She admitted to knowing I had been sitting in the uncomfortable chair for that long.  The obvious circulation issues.  I asked her what the difference between being in a bed on the floor or sitting in a chair in the ER was?  While we were talking, the security guard had called a couple friends and he was trash talking.  She offered me a sandwich, pain medicine and fruit juice as she walked away.

After eating, I asked the security guard for his name.  He gleefully wrote it in a visitor badge and handed it to me saying something about nothing happening or nothing I could do.  I just smiled that shit eating grin only a nerd who knows they have the thirteen highest trump cards.  Somehow, after they fitted me with an IV, they gave me opium via the IV and I misplaced the deuce of spades.  No matter, when you step that far off the job description, you are going to get shit for it.  I have a 20 year IT career and I understand security and the rules guards are expected to follow.

I explained everything to my nurse and she explained everything to her supervisor.  The supervisor talked to me then called the ER director and the security director and the security guard contract administrator.  See, I explained my credentials and I also explained that while my voice may have been emotional my tone was not hostile or threatening.  I just wanted my needs to be met and magically not long after my talk to the supervisor, I was taken to a room.

The next time I went was a super bowl Sunday and I still waited three hours but they admitted me as I had been released the day before.  My next visit was a pain visit, I was there because I had never had pain this bad before in all my life.  They asked to remove the bandages and explained if they did, I would need something for pain.  They promised they would give me something.  An hour and fourth-five minutes later, I used my daddy voice to ask about the pain and once again a uniformed guard dressed in paramilitary tactical pants begins telling me he will escort me from the property.  It’s only a matter of time before they admit me.  I am in unbearable pain, in the verge of tears.

The staff tried to explain it away because of the mentally ill, the drug addicts and the homeless they get.  Poor people are less likely to object to being told to go elsewhere.  The mentally ill, drug addicts and homeless are more likely to escalate when presented with the threatening security guard and being told to go elsewhere.  In almost all of these cases, empathy in the form of expressed sympathy should rule the attitudes of the workers.  Instead of telling me that waiting an hour and forty-five minutes was nothing, he could of thought about how it felt to have the bandages ripped off and suffer that pain for that length of time.  Admit they neglected my needs, that their standard of care in that regard was substandard and below the levels they stride to provide.

This is a symptom of a problem we have in this country where we ask police and security to mediate everything and they are least trained to do so.  It is why it so often ends in violence because of the lack of training and the lack of repercussions resulting from abuse.  If we instead had social workers, the reliance on criminal courts, and jails to house drug addicts, mentally ill and  other homeless would decrease.  Utah did this, building housing for the homeless in Utah because providing housing and social workers was significantly cheaper then building prisons and providing guards.

Meanwhile, I blew another semester by failing a 9 unit class.  Three trips to the ER and three weeks in total in the hospital in a semester make it difficult to pass.  But I am healthier today then I was when all this began.  Thanks Covered California.q

Week 3 of Classes

So, this is the third week of classes, the 14th anniversary of 9-11-01 and the results of the exam taken on Friday, after having Monday off for a Holiday designed by communists and loved by capitalists because it is a sort of mini-Christmas with the beginning of the harvest season, back to school, start of the fall season, Walking Dead and Halloween.

I have been dealing with the blahs created by not getting paid for almost three weeks after doing the actual work for a company on the east coast that got a nationwide contract to handle a major upgrade and roll-out without having the employees or the real resources or skill set to handle the task.  This is what most often happens when contracts are out out for bid, price and reputation often override the warnings presented by the lack of skills and proven results.  I once overheard the in-house IT for Yahoo! talking about an upcoming review and how badly a 80% project success rate would lower their bonuses.

I have been bottom rung minimum wage or just slightly above several times in my life.  I am great at not spending money, very few people excel at this skill.  I am also excellent at almost all IT tasks, some more then others.  So when I took this opportunity to do the work, I looked at the company’s WorkMarket profile and saw the positive ratings, I assumed they were on it. 

The documentation was fairly impressive as was the plan, but what I encountered in reality is what most retail field representatives doing service work encounter,  they may think they only have 3 designs but often they have more depending on the age of setups.  Most of the equation comes in two forms, New and dusty or thrashed and nasty.  Most of the people doing the plans have little or no real field experience which often leaves volumes of small, medium and critical issues to arise while in the field that can cause hours of thumb twiddling while someone up the chain of command decides how to proceed.

My years of field experience and training to always put the customer aka end user first priority made me lolligag until I finally got a go ahead from the contractor pimping me out, which really in a lot of cases requires the same skills as a prostitute.  I often have to represent myself as an employee of a company I do not truly work for, express a knowledge of their IT infrastructure that I do not truly know and understand the procedures of their company which I was never informed of.

I often deal with help desk people that are totally unprepared with being contacted by someone in the field who has already figured out the problem when they contact them and are only calling to let them know and share the knowledge or get permission to deviate or require someone with higher powers to agree.  I went to a Vocational High School where I took Data Processing aka Computer Programming classes under  program devised in the 60’s, outdated in the 70’s and phased out in the early 80’s.  It thrived because of all of the tax deductible donations of obsolete hardware they replaced with newer, much more modern equipment.

The school didn’t upgrade the curriculum because the teachers lacked current market leading experience to update their skills.  I learned Cobol programming on 80 column punch card using punch card machines that predated my birth.  Even then they knew the PC era was coming as was the C and C+ eras and none of that was taught.  It would be easy to say that I got nothing from those classes, but actually, I did.  I learned some basic technical stuff that has helped me throughout my career because of how I applied it and not how it was taught.  Logic and flow were the two biggest.

When I got my first help desk job, only my team leader believed I could do the job and I told him during the interview he wouldn’t be sorry for his support.  My first review stated this and how every teammate and customer interviewed stated that I was their go to guy for IT questions because I was trustworthy and I had earned that by admitting I didn’t know something and when trying to fix something or making a mistake admitting that I was wrong or had erred. This is something that comes from hating to have to admit you are wrong and apologize for it.  So,I try my hardest not to put myself in that position, I usually avoid talking about something unless I am sure.  I used to read and keep up on all things Windows, mobile and networking so I knew what I was talking about.

The Physical Anthropology Lab is brutal because you learn the human and chimpanzee skeletons, all the major bones.  I suck at memorization because I suck at trying to remember but when I don’t try, it sticks.  At one time, I learned to create a user account, exchange mailbox and group membership via a command prompt.  It would make my co-workers coo I awe. 

They write the new persons name, phone number, office address and port numbers for their office.  Place the card on the keyboard above the function keys so it’s facing me and angled back for better clarity.  Winkey+R and type CMD and hit enter.  As soon as the window opens begin typing pausing only long enough for the next command prompt or other prompt to appear to continue like a hacker rushing to unlock the door as the security or good guys are arriving.  Someone else was watching active directory and as soon as the user appears, they say stop.  How much time did it take? Using the GUI it often took 20 minutes plus phone line setup.  I got the command prompt down to five minutes using batch files and passing it parameters.  Nerd.  Lazy Nerd who suffers from can’t remember shit.

So when I took the first Anthropology class, it was because MooSe wanted to take the magic, witchcraft and religion class and he chose Professor Casper-Denman.  A month in to class and MooSe’s wife died and she is why we both finished the semester.  Her caring, compassion, understanding and humanity.  Up until this point most of the IT professors didn’t leave me admiring their skills and knowledge or feel like the class was capable of teaching me anything.  Not arrogance, just reality.

I aced her class and not only that, but the next semester she put me in a class that changed everything.  A primatology field class at the Sacramento Zoo.  It was during her class that I realized that she was a truly awesome teacher.  When I talked to a counselor, I realized I could earn an anthropology degree from her almost exclusively.  I understand the topics in a way that I had previously only thought possible about IT.  I have made a lot of really amazing friends and it has been a struggle.

I realized that I am an anthropologist and that as the teacher was lecturing, I knew the questions before she asked them because I already knew the topic that well.  This is important, on an epic level, I hated most of the physical anthropology topics especially those related to biology.  Bad teacher in High School who didn’t like that I believed in evolution and that Koko could communicate in Gorilla American Sign (their fingers have limitations in articulation that prevents them from correctly forming all signs.) And was sentient.

I essentially would have given up on High School and the diploma because of it but the Good Enough Diploma didn’t exist so I trudged naked as the day I was born on much like Chaucer in the movie A Knight’s Tale.  That movie is one of my favorites and used to run weekly at my house.  I am terrified by this class because the majority of it is memorization.  I will persevere because this is the professor who has promised to help me through it and help me succeed.  She did it with the lecture.

To me, Anthropology is my religion because I totally believe in the awesomeness of primates and humanity.  As an anthropologist, I am a lumper and not a splitter which means I lump hominids together based on their similarities instead of splitting them based on their differences.  I do the same with humans and it is why I usually let everyone who knows me that I don’t believe race is real as it denotes a subspecies and there is only one living human species and that’s _Homo_sapiens_ or us.  I truly believe that we are much similar in beliefs, thoughts and feelings then we would ever admit.  Especially in the more generalized sense.

Stress, Anxiety & Algebraic Equations

So, I have no real problems with math and can do most math calculations fairly accurately in my head most of the time.  My problem comes to remembering the formulas and operations necessary to isolate the right variable.  It also comes from just an overall lack of confidence on my own skills and abilities from lack of use and reliance on them.  The Spring 2015 class that I failed taught me I just need to buckle down and do the homework and study the quizzes.  Right now, I am fighting the nerve wracking, fingernail biting anxiety that tomorrow, I have an exam.  If I do not pass it, it could very well be the beginning of the end of my college career.  Oh, great bog narrator, guess what you just made me realize.  Thanks asshole.

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It’s been a weird year, with a very mild, warmer and dryer winter last year, a very warm and dry summer and suddenly cooler September.  It was downright chilly this morning.  The red pipe is nicknamed Harvey, after the Elf that wanted to be a dentist, as you can see, I have an abominable snowman.    The benefits of an ex-wife who works at Pet’s Mart and knew I liked him.   The Isle of Misfit toys was totally my favorite part because I always felt like a broken and misfit toy growing up.  The few friends I had accepted that I was odd and left it at that.  Today, I realized I am normal and that quite a few people feel this same way.

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It’s why so many people identify and laugh at the Minions or at least share memes with words and attitudes that do not really coincide with those characters in any movie or any minion in any animated movie.  Social Networking has always been what being popular has always been about and that is likes.  Like High School it makes bullies and trolls come out at the same time it makes people less conscious about the tone and words they use to communicate.  Trying to pass off being blunt when instead it is just rudeness presented as snark.  There are two places on Facebook where I can avoid people like this and most of the negative attitudes, a comedy group and a kindness group.  My Cyberfriend James Clarkson founded the kindness group and together we made the comedy group.  Much like a Comedy show, a certain amount of heckling and ridicule is to be expected and allowed.  But never something that could hurt someone’s feelings or make them feel uncomfortable.

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So, most of my friends are either stoners, or Prop 215 patients.  This happens when you are a stoner who is also a Prop 215 patient.  It is now legal for recreational use in four states, although Colorado’s gets the most publicity.  I often trade rides, for marijuana that I then trade for friendship, fellowship and food.  Providence often accompanies it and I end up sharing an amazing time with almost absolute strangers, smoking a blunt or two.  I did this yesterday twice for a total of four blunts.

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I often let my guest choose the method of consumption or choose based upon the amount of or type of medicine that we are smoking. My buddy Josh likes to use the bong, I prever the pipe but will frequently use the bong with Josh. Often, it is a joint or a blunt because those are the most typical for social settings. I personally prefer joints to blunts and think that all joints should ne smoked in pairs of two, usually smoked in between smoking two other joints. The object is not how high can we get but rather and far more important is how long can we remain high? The difference in end goals means you smoke less per session and have more frequent sessions depending on how large the group is. I have sat around on top of Hippie Hill in San Francisco and passed around joint after blunt after bowl after dab pen after whatever. The anthropologist in me is very interested in the culture and the practices and beliefs of most stoners and medical cannabis patients. I want to know the origins of things like 420, which I believe High Times actually has the best and most likely response. I like turning on my friends to stoner humor they might not otherwise know about like A Child’s Garden Of Grass or The Great Smoke Off. (I need to edit this blog later and put links to the source and subject matter.) I have always been in to standup comedy and comedy in general, watching John Belushi on Staurday Night Live re-runs on WBFF, Channel 45 in Baltimore at like 1am.

This is what the hippie stoner’s in the 70’s listened to and made jokes about. This was what a lot of people had playing on their hifidelity record players and the mixing plays with the left and right channels in ways that are kind of fun to experience, especially when getting high as often the jokes become more readily aparent once you listen to it while high. Heck, most were obvious to me once I heard it after being high. It’s still fun to listen to and you should listen to it at 4:20 as you smoke.

So here is a link to a Facebook Page for my Blog.  I was never a try a new service just because it was a new service kind of guy.  I gave up on ICQ when I couldn’t retrieve my password or account.  Moved to AOL Messenger because most of my friends used it.  Then Microsoft made MSN Messenger log in to AOL servers and I was hooked.  Then I found Trillian and added other accounts.  Most of the names arose when I needed them for something online.  IRC caused a lot of name changes because people be stupid and weird.  Channeling my buddy MooSe there for a second.  I have been Online a long time and have lived all over the country and most of the time my handles and nicknames changed with localities because they were already in use in a new locality and I wanted to avoid confusion.

Most of my names settled when I moved to Sacramento and joined Afterlife BBS one Friday night.  It was an 18 and over adult oriented BBS that had online games, forums and a chat area.  They also had regular parties and get togethers or in the local vernacular mupts for modem-user pizza thingies and various BBS and clicks had them.  Sacramento had a thriving online community back in the 90’s.  Most of my friends that I have had for the longest times, I met during that era.  Some of them were rocks, and foundations for much of my life.  But change is often painful and my life went through a bunch of tremendous changes in the last 8 years.  Wow, 8 years.  I miss some of my lunatic friends more then I can ever possibly explain and I see no way of even opening the dialog between us even though I know multiple ways to contact him.  Part of it is huberis, not wanting to admit I was wrong, the other part is realizing that I wasn’t totally wrong and feeling afraid he might reject any overtures.

I would really like to find friends of mine from the 90’s in Sacramento’s Dell Paso Heights, we lived on Grove Avenue in an apartment complex owned by John Dyer.  The mother’s name was Jennifer and she was Hispanic, her husband’s name was Robert and he was a Black Vietnam Veteran and together they had an awesome son named Xavier.  They were my people for a long time and we lost touch of each other as I was transitioning from Del Paso Heights to San Rafael in Marin County.  Rob and I used to sit for hours and hours smoking grass and bulshitting about everything and nothing all at once.  It’s been at least 18 years since I saw them last in 1996. 

So if you read my blog, you should like my page on Facebook and go to this post on my page and drop me an email saying Hello.  Feel free to follow me and comment on Instagram.  Eventually, I am going to link some Tumblr posts in to my blog as well.  Trying to get people to like me on all my social media accounts.

Viral Random Acts Of Kindness

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There is a truth that positive people tend to have more positive experiences. Why is the cause of debate but a lot of people tend to agree that being positive, and trying to be a force for positive change in your world attracts like minded people.  Together you positively effect and enrich your own lives at the same time you are doing the same for others.  Humans do it for their friends and friends of friends all the time.

Life is a struggle for me right now and I have online friends, I have real life cyber friends and I have real life friends who all have made it a point to provide pats on the back, social interactions and real life interactions when necessary to make sure that I know that there are a bunch of really groovy people who think I am kind of awesome.  Totally and radically awesome and kewl.  Some of them I identify them by their pets, and Yes, Ollie, I am talking about you.  Does Emily know you are reading my blog?  Seriously, there are others I think of by the personal and private things they have shared with me.

So, as school has started, I am having to sort of justify my existence and 20 years of various random semesters at community college.  I never found the niche where I was getting out as much as I was putting in.  Especially the IT stuff as I was already far more advanced then most of the professors.  I have reached the credit limit on that visa card.  So no financial aid.  Work I have done is awaiting payment from the pimp who still hasn’t collected it from the John’s PayPal yet, it’s like they live in Nigeria.

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So on Monday, I was sweating gasoline when a kid I talk to at school mentioned needing a ride and I offered.  We had talked and I explained how screwed I was about financial aid.  I asked for gas and filled my tank and drove him home.  Another friend needed a ride to work and I traded him a ride for some marijuana.  Then I went to my friend’s house and shared two joints with that circle of people.  I then went and smoked out another group of friends.

In all yesterday, I shared with a half of a dozen different people.  Each one of these sessions helped people relax, respite from the stress and strain of their daily lives.  I also helped people just live.  This is who I am and who I want to be.  I tried to lift those people up and for a few moments, I succeeded.  As a result another friend bought me Starbucks coffee and another have me a Stuart Twinkie.

 

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