I have this friend on Facebook, she lives in Washington and we interact via my wall, chat, email and telephone. She and I laugh and snicker like high school kids although she seems to think it is just ME acting this way. So she posted this video:
In a music group with the caption: “I Fink Your Freaky and I Like You A Lot!” I of course take this as the biggest compliment. So I shared it on my wall and this Georgia Peach knew who they were and she said “Go Ninja!” and this gem, they lyrics are NSFW…
Of course, this to me is as hilarious and at the same time just truly awesome, the way these artists speak English is foreign and familiar at the same time. It is just such an amazing thing to me, the accents. I love accents and I am fairly good at being able to place the accent with the origin. I really honed this skill when working on Pier 39 in San Francisco.
So back to my friend, the one who posted the original video, she is a good friend and we talk frequently about everything and nothing all at once. We spent an evening watching Slackers on Crackle. During the conversation after the movie she says “Thank god for YouPorn!” I laughed and she adds “Everyone…Doesn’t everyone watch porn on their notebooks? You know what You Porn is right? Free PORN, it’s not like I am going to pay for it.” Of course, my chin had hit the floor, not because I was unaware of You Porn, or that I thought you should pay for porn or that I doubted that the Internet Is For Porn
I mean who hasn’t spent all night tugging their horn to porn! Porn! PORN! Why do you think the net was born? It’s not that I do not think women watch porn, my NBFAM (Nerd Brother From Another Mother) brags all the time about how his wife watches Pr0n, although he offered it as an excuse when he gave me access to a directory on his server and ‘found’ his stash of Midget Porn. I am in this Facebook Dating group with a lots of great people, some of them my Facebook friends. They have just deepened my amazement and awe that I have surrounding the females of our species. One of them added Fap to my vernacular because she always discusses her favorite activity or the Fap! Fap! Fap. I am sure they probably all agree with my friend and would gladly say “I think you freaky and I like you a lot!”
I have a bunch of amazing Facebook friends, one I think of as one of my favorite Thing Families. Mainly because for a long time she had a profile picture of her family all wearing Dr. Seuss Thing T-shirts. I am a flirt. I learned it from my online bud, Mc Steamy, who I nick named that because he was going through some personal stuff and I thought he looked like the plastic surgeon on Grey’s Anatomy. I was like dude, you are a chick magnet. I’d be your wingman anywhere because taking one for the team would be like a 8 or 9. Yeah, sexist, sure. But it really is humor as poor Mc Steamy may be aware to an extent of the power of his machismo, but I think he totally misses the power surrounding the rumors of what he has chilling in his boxers. I think Your Favorite Martian aka Ray William Johnson says in the above video, he has two ewoks chilling in his boxers.
I rarely ask people to Friend me on Facebook, but I usually always accept the requests from people when they ask, unless I am their first friend and I have no idea who they are. It’s not that I am afraid or anything, I just realize that this new friend could be some other friend’s stalker. So most of the amazing people on my friends list asked me to be their friend and I have friends all over the globe. One of the things I have come to realize is that regardless of what language we speak, what country we live in, we are really all the same. I wasn’t really sure of how true this was until I joined a Facebook group full of Asian Nerds. They are all the same and I have seen first hand my ability to make them laugh and smile.
So, I have this friend who lives in Michigan and as if that were not enough, she is a Tigers fan. We were talking about becoming Facebook friends before and she explained that she was afraid of her brother getting his nickers in a bunch. I can understand how she could think that, because I think people like to be offended, it makes them feel good to turn on the self-righteous indignation but at the same time I can see how my comments and snarky comments can lead to bunched up panty syndrome. Ironically, I seem to encounter it more with men then women which is odd since most men will not admit to having that fetish, let alone to being intimately familiar with experiencing the discomfort of bunching, I am just glad that I don’t have to suffer through a dismal Tiger’s season with her. I still think she is awesome and that her Tiger Jersey picture is her best one, even if I cannot tell her in a comment on that picture because of Panty Bunching Syndrome. Thankfully, I had started a private message conversation with her via Facebook before they decided to make a dollar off of potential booty messages. You know those messages that the high school jock you didn’t like tries to orchestrate a hookup. Not me personally, but I know quite a few chicks that this has happened to.
So back to my friend, the one with the You Porn Fetish, she has some advice she wants me to pass on to teenagers: Don’t apply the Kung Fu Death Grip when masturbating because it leads to you needing the Hoover Suck or to performing the Rabbit Thrust Maneuver to get off. Sometimes, my Facebook conversations lead me glad that I cannot just randomly view conversations because I am not sure how I would process some of the things I would learn. I am not sure how I can process some of the things I have already learned. Like Yoga Pants. I have Karen Haney to thank for that horrible mental model.