So, I have this friend who I met from Facebook via a random chance encounter and we started talking privately and then on the phone. While I should be ecstatic and thinking about 50 shades of purple and black, my inner nerd keeps trying to analyze and interpret things. The only way I can really explain it is that it makes me feel 13 again and long for the days when you could write a note on the back page of your spiral notebook, asking all of those inane questions that 13 year old boys asked the girls they had crushes on. You know those random notes that all 13 year old boys and girls write in Middle School and then on to High School? The ones folded like origami as if the inability to refold them would ensure that you could entrust them to a mutual friend for delivery.
I know that there are quite a few of the girls I went to High School on my Facebook list who were recipients of lots of love letters in this form delivered through the vents of their Hall locker, especially on Valentines day. I must have written at least 100 of them for people I knew, and then a few more that I actually wrote for a girl that I had a crush on and then gave them to a guy who she liked and then convincing him to give it to her. Call it the Cupid syndrome or something. I know that I had lots of girls who were my friend that I secretly crushed on but was too bashful to actually tell them, especially after I told someone at a dance and asked her to dance only to have her and her friends laugh at me.
A lot has changed since I was 15 and going to my first High School dance but still in a lot of ways I am that same young boy, terrifyingly afraid of being laughed at again. I mean it was the basis for the cup cakes and the cookies, because I wanted to have a reason to walk up to a strange girl that I thought was beautiful and tell her so. No strings attached, no ulterior motives other then to make her smile. And it worked, because most of them really did smile and thought it was amazing. But it really only made things worse because I just do not know how to do the whole ice breaking things in real life. Then again, who does, that’s where all the cheese filled pick-up lines come from. Speaking of pickup lines, what is the best one you have heard? How about leaving a comment with the best one you have heard, the best one used on you and the worse one. Help me to feel less socially awkward ok?
So back to my friend. We have talked a lot and I really like talking to her and I really like listening to her stories because she is such an honest and sincere person, or so she seems to be. I have told her that I dig her and that I am in to her directly and indirectly but because of my own issues, I cannot tell how she feels. Add to that the social awkwardness of her missing or not answering txt messages, Facebook PMs and phone calls and I just do not know if this is a sign or a legit oversight on her part. So it makes me long for the days of passing notes in High School which plays hell with my creepy old guy warning sense. You know, that voice in my head that triggers that line from David Wooderson, aka Mathew Mc Conaughey in Dazed & Confused.
The “Alright, Alright” is the Old Creepy Guy warning alarm. It goes off quite frequently now because I find myself opening my mouth and my parents come rushing out. It’s a really scary thing because this friend of mine Karen, keeps telling me things that I am not sure I wanted to know in general let alone know about her.
One day I posted on Facebook that a girl at school had these stretch pants on that were so tight that I could see her florescent red French cut briefs shining through the black fabric. Karen then informed me that these were probably Yoga pants. I made the mistake of asking “Yoga Pants?” Maybe I was hoping for a sage, Yoda like response, like something from the Love Guru. Un uh. This is Facebook where we let it all hang out. Karen told me that they were designed with a cotton crotch so women could wear them commando style. I was sitting in the American River College Student Center when I read her response and I squealed in dismay!
As I told Karen, I am not sure how I am supposed to process or file this away. I am not sure I wanted to know that she goes commando when she wears Yoga pants but what is even more, I am afraid of how this knowledge will impact me. How do I stop myself from looking at every girl that comes walking along wearing them and not look to see if they are doing it right, commando style or if they are wearing panties? Creepy Old Guy here I come, just call me Wooderson now. I mean, I have to look and check right? It is a moral imperative, as Mitch Taylor told Chris Knight in Real Genius. So, one step closer to creepy old dude and as my friend Randy would say “Creepy old dude in a van giving out cookies.” Except it would be more like Matt Foley and living in a van down by the river. Thanks Stephanie, for sharing your love of Chris Farley.
So, as you can see, I am a bit weird. I told you that above and one of the things this leadership class is teaching me is to know your own limitations and then develop skills to counter them. So, that is what this particular blog is all about, remember the girl I mentioned above? Well, I am in a Dating discussion group on Facebook with some truly amazing women that I count among my Facebook friends. I love and respect all of them for their honesty and intelligence while I secretly crush on each of them hard. I wouldn’t ever admit that to any of them, not Amy or the two Emilys. There is a girl in the group who’s awesomeness is personified in her name and every time I see a post from her I feel like I need an insulin shot. Her last name is of all things Sugarbaker. But really, I am just name dropping to see if any of them will leave a comment below because I am sort of an attention slut. I live for Facebook replies and likes on my comments and posts. Doesn’t everyone? Isn’t that what Facebook was designed for? Isn’t that why people post pictures of their food?
So anyway, remember the chick I mentioned above? Well, I still have that dilemma and I have rambled off topic. But really, she does exist. The thing is I am not sure if she is just being nice to me or if she really likes me and I feel like an idiot for not knowing and like even more of an idiot for wanting to ask. This makes me long for those days when I could just write a letter like this:
Unfortunately I am too afraid she would check NO and post it on her wall for all to see. No, I really don’t think that she would do that because she is such an amazing person. I think she knows that I think she is a really amazing person and I just need to take a deep breath and stop acting like I am 13, but it is hard sometimes isn’t it? When you feel vulnerable, even if the other person is pretty awesome. It’s just difficult because sometimes I miss the subtle signs that people like me.
I dated this really awesome girl one time, and I crushed on her hard. I knew she knew it even though I never said anything. One day I came home from work after working the opening shift to find her in my bed, wearing my dress shirt and only her panties. Somehow she volunteered that she had piercings, namely her nipple and the hood of her clitoris. Of course, like a Freshman, I asked to see them never expecting her to show them to me and when she did, I was in such utter shock that I totally missed the implications. It took a guy named Justin who I thought was my friend, to put it all in perspective. Sadly, I later found out that Justin really didn’t like me and ridiculed me behind my back. I tried to play it off and tell the friend who told me that it didn’t bother me, but I lied and even today it still stings like pulling that bandage off when the blood has dried. You know, the kind that pulls the scab off, because that is sort of how this entire scenario makes me feel.
But see, it is safe for me to write about it here, because I can share it with the people I want and they will immediately know who I am referring to. I can share the link with her, and all I can do is hope she figures it out, as I have given enough clues that anyone who knows me and reads this should be able to figure it out. Although I am not sure what it is I want to tell her or what I really want to ask her either. I guess all I want to know is should I continue doing what I am doing or should I take the lack of responses sometimes as an indication?
What makes it all that more frustrating and confusing is that it seems that the new social norm for online interactions is to ignore messages from people instead of telling them that you are just not interested. Just looking at profiles on dating and alternative social networking sites like Fubar or Plenty Of Fish makes me realize that I am not nearly as socially awkward as most of the men out there. It seems asking women to send pictures of their vi-jay-jay or sending pictures of their “family jewels” for appraisal and compliment have driven this situation. Although I did read a profile where the writer actually made me laugh because se went off on the things I mentioned above. She concluded with the term Forking that she explained is sticking a bunch of plastic forks, tines down, in someone’s front lawn like some sort of picnic gone horribly wrong. So does anyone wanna Fork with me?